To Jim and Veronica,
First, though it has already been quite some time, please accept my condolences on the passing of your son. I am sure there has been a mountain of love to you both but losing a son is something I’m sure never gives you a single day without a sense of loss. I live in Brooklyn, New York so you should know that people for far, as well as near, send you their thoughts, prayer and love. I also saw a posting about telling those you love every day that you love them. What a wonderful and powerful message. I probably could not have been raised in a tradition more different from yours — traditional, Jewish, very tied to family members who perished in the Holocaust. Sadly, if we look enough, it seems that we can ALL be touched by the senseless taking of life.
Yet, our responses from our respective traditions seem to support the same goals — that there be learning and justice and some meaning that comes from even the worst of tragedies. I was simply amazed at during a long interview, you were able to be so objective about how the system failed, mostly because it did not follow a means of understanding and considering the totality of the circumstances. I got the feeling that if the system weren’t so flawed, you would not have such problems with the outcome. Even regarding a person who essentially went to a youth rehabilitation facility, you were concerned about what will happen to genuinely rehabilitate someone who committed acts which so damaged so many people. Through it all, I got the feeling that you even, in a sense, are fighting for society and for him, so that he can truly be rehabilitated and recognize the wrongness of his actions, the consequences and make something of himself that turns his life around. Many people would have just said that they want him to burn in hell — and I’m sure there are moments like that that are normal. But you spoke about changing things in a manner that, in essence, will try to ensure that he never return to such acts and that can help others to understand what this kind of action and these kinds of wanton disregard, have — a toll that keeps on punishing so many. You are an extraordinary human being. I hope that you can continue to advocate. I don’t know if the memorial at the high school you spoke of was filmed but it should be mandatory for junior and high school and middle school, maybe even elementary school, to see. You yourself noted that experts say that the brain, particularly judgment and impulse, are not developed until age 25, which is all the more reason to impress the youngest — because I never see two 50 year olds look at each other on the street and then decide to drag race.
You are not only eloquent but you are blessed with a communication ability that people connect with. You are so thoughtful, and at the same time, obviously connected both to making something meaningful and brining sense from an result which is so senseless. I saw what your son was doing with his life. Though not typical for a traditional Jewish family in New York, when we were kids, there was always an engine hanging from a pully in the backyard. He love cars, sometimes muscle cars, love to work on them, modify them and just love that world. He later went on to be a service writer at a BMW dealership — the guy you sit down with who tells you what your car needs. He passed away a couple of years back. I still live in NY but he moved to Dallas in his early 20’s. The funeral chapel was FILLED with former customers, co-workers, employers as well as friends and family. Mechanics who got up and said that he was the only service writer who would go into the shop and help them, show them how to resolve certain problems, learn short cuts, how to help customers to save their hard earned money but doing this or that. And clients spoke of how he took care of them, listened to them — both about their car’s problems and their life’s problems. And how, when he could see that cash was tight, he would tell them what needed to be done right then — and what could wait. I got to see that that is a world. From the time he was a teen, it was a community of people who shared something. And as young as he was, your son was part of that special community — that world of sometimes nearly nurdy car guru’s who loved what they did, who loved learning more about it and who loved sharing that with people of a similar ilk. You were blessed to have had a son who found something he loved and who, I bet, loved being part of that world and community. While we never know how long any of us will be on this planet, it is a blessing to have found that no matter for how long that may last.
And to you Jim, I haven’t seen you in any videos or read anything you said in the paper. But my love is with you. You obviously raised a fine young man and see that you were smart enough and lucky enough to have seen a very special lady who you married and built a life with. All of that is obviously a reflection of who you are. May G-d, or whatever or whoever you may think runs (loosely speaking) this place we live in, bless you, comfort you, guide you and continue to bring hope even in the darkest of times, so that we can appreciate those times that the sun begins to shine again — and it does. Clearly, your son brought love you yours lives and would only want that you you see the sun, while still carrying his beautiful memory.
With much love,
Alan Rich
To Jim and Veronica,
First, though it has already been quite some time, please accept my condolences on the passing of your son. I am sure there has been a mountain of love to you both but losing a son is something I’m sure never gives you a single day without a sense of loss. I live in Brooklyn, New York so you should know that people for far, as well as near, send you their thoughts, prayer and love. I also saw a posting about telling those you love every day that you love them. What a wonderful and powerful message. I probably could not have been raised in a tradition more different from yours — traditional, Jewish, very tied to family members who perished in the Holocaust. Sadly, if we look enough, it seems that we can ALL be touched by the senseless taking of life.
Yet, our responses from our respective traditions seem to support the same goals — that there be learning and justice and some meaning that comes from even the worst of tragedies. I was simply amazed at during a long interview, you were able to be so objective about how the system failed, mostly because it did not follow a means of understanding and considering the totality of the circumstances. I got the feeling that if the system weren’t so flawed, you would not have such problems with the outcome. Even regarding a person who essentially went to a youth rehabilitation facility, you were concerned about what will happen to genuinely rehabilitate someone who committed acts which so damaged so many people. Through it all, I got the feeling that you even, in a sense, are fighting for society and for him, so that he can truly be rehabilitated and recognize the wrongness of his actions, the consequences and make something of himself that turns his life around. Many people would have just said that they want him to burn in hell — and I’m sure there are moments like that that are normal. But you spoke about changing things in a manner that, in essence, will try to ensure that he never return to such acts and that can help others to understand what this kind of action and these kinds of wanton disregard, have — a toll that keeps on punishing so many. You are an extraordinary human being. I hope that you can continue to advocate. I don’t know if the memorial at the high school you spoke of was filmed but it should be mandatory for junior and high school and middle school, maybe even elementary school, to see. You yourself noted that experts say that the brain, particularly judgment and impulse, are not developed until age 25, which is all the more reason to impress the youngest — because I never see two 50 year olds look at each other on the street and then decide to drag race.
You are not only eloquent but you are blessed with a communication ability that people connect with. You are so thoughtful, and at the same time, obviously connected both to making something meaningful and brining sense from an result which is so senseless. I saw what your son was doing with his life. Though not typical for a traditional Jewish family in New York, when we were kids, there was always an engine hanging from a pully in the backyard. He love cars, sometimes muscle cars, love to work on them, modify them and just love that world. He later went on to be a service writer at a BMW dealership — the guy you sit down with who tells you what your car needs. He passed away a couple of years back. I still live in NY but he moved to Dallas in his early 20’s. The funeral chapel was FILLED with former customers, co-workers, employers as well as friends and family. Mechanics who got up and said that he was the only service writer who would go into the shop and help them, show them how to resolve certain problems, learn short cuts, how to help customers to save their hard earned money but doing this or that. And clients spoke of how he took care of them, listened to them — both about their car’s problems and their life’s problems. And how, when he could see that cash was tight, he would tell them what needed to be done right then — and what could wait. I got to see that that is a world. From the time he was a teen, it was a community of people who shared something. And as young as he was, your son was part of that special community — that world of sometimes nearly nurdy car guru’s who loved what they did, who loved learning more about it and who loved sharing that with people of a similar ilk. You were blessed to have had a son who found something he loved and who, I bet, loved being part of that world and community. While we never know how long any of us will be on this planet, it is a blessing to have found that no matter for how long that may last.
And to you Jim, I haven’t seen you in any videos or read anything you said in the paper. But my love is with you. You obviously raised a fine young man and see that you were smart enough and lucky enough to have seen a very special lady who you married and built a life with. All of that is obviously a reflection of who you are. May G-d, or whatever or whoever you may think runs (loosely speaking) this place we live in, bless you, comfort you, guide you and continue to bring hope even in the darkest of times, so that we can appreciate those times that the sun begins to shine again — and it does. Clearly, your son brought love you yours lives and would only want that you you see the sun, while still carrying his beautiful memory.
With much love,
Alan Rich